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Are You Starting Over? How To Date Again

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Are you starting over? Has your life been turned upside down? Did you have to say goodbye to what you thought was a great relationship, and start all over again? The starting over trauma can happen to anyone at any time in their life. Breakups, death, or divorce can leave you feeling all alone and unprepared for what is facing you.

Single and dating is not a place where you thought you would ever be again. So, what is it like to start over? What can you do to pep up your life with new energy and hope, when you feel tired and hope-less?

1. Slow down.

Your feet may want to run fast and faster, but to maintain your dignity and elegance, take time to find your new stride. Since you aren’t being defined by your partnership any longer, take this moment to become more and more of your original, unique self. Move to a slower beat, keeping the pace liquid and serene. Just say, “No,” to rushing and to too many deadlines, emails, phone calls, appointments, and meetings. Give up living life from crisis to crisis, which only makes you feel old and older. How do you do that?

·Get your work done well before deadlines so you lessen your stress.

·Let the machine take the phone messages and call people back on your schedule. (You don’t need to field personal calls when you are emotionally thin.)

·Stop hanging out with people who drag you down, sap your energy, and take you into old, unproductive (or destructive) habits.

·Don’t over commit to anything.

·Take some classes in yoga, meditation, and practice deep breathing, which can lower heart rate and blood pressure.

2. Remove worry from your life.

If you are starting over, it probably feels like the worst has happened, but sooner or later, you have to let it go. Living in regret for past mistakes keeps you stuck in yesterday. Look for the lessons learned and put your arms around today. Worrying about what might happen in the future is to fear your tomorrows. If you spend the day doing the best job you can and make realistic, productive plans for your future, life has a way of working out. Whatever you focus on is what you grow more of. Put your concentration on the positive.

3. Give and receive generously.

It’s a big responsibility to learn to receive compliments and gifts with a smile and a simple thank you. You have to grow yourself big enough to feel you deserve them. If small or even lavish gifts make you squirm, or sincere praise makes you fidget, look back and ask yourself what you need to forgive yourself for.

4. Acknowledge your wins.

It’s just amazing how some people never stop to allow an enormous accomplishment to sink in. Instead of hugging themselves (metaphorically) and saying “Well done!” they are already off and planning their next big project or goal. If you do that long enough, you will begin to feel like you are on an unending treadmill, and like nothing is ever enough. Take a look at what you are good at, your successes, your symbolic or real badges of merit. You earned them and you deserve to stop and congratulate yourself. Put a laser beam of light on all the good that you do and more good will come back to you.

5. Focus on your personal list of what you are grateful for every day.

Some people have trouble with this suggestion. If you don’t know where to start, turn on a news channel and take a look at what the vast majority of people live with—and without—all the time. Start with appreciating clean water, usable roads, electricity, heating and air conditioning, and free education. Keep going down the list of what you are lucky to have. Why is this little exercise important? Because when you live with this attitude, it is very difficult to be angry with anyone, or to look at the world through a lens of lack.

You can turn your life right side up again. It isn't over. It's just starting over.


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